INSTRUCTIONS FOR MICROSOFT'S NEW TV DINNER PRODUCT

You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree

to accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may

not give anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would constitute

an infringement of Microsoft's rights). You may, however, let

others smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell

them how good it is.

If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven.

Set the oven using these keystrokes:

Then enter: ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy\|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme.

If you have a Mac oven, insert the dinner and press start. The

oven will set itself and cook the dinner.

If you have a Unix oven, insert the dinner, enter the ingredients

of the dinner (found on the package label), the weight of the

dinner, and the desired level of cooking and press start. The oven will

calculate the time and heat and cook the dinner exactly to your

specification.

Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which case your

oven must be restarted. This is a simple procedure. Remove the

dinner from the oven and enter <<ms.good/tryagain\again/again.please.

This process may have to be repeated. Try unplugging the

Microwave and then doing a cold reboot. If this doesn't work, contact your

hardware vendor.

Many users have reported that the dinner tray is far too big,

larger than the dinner itself, having many useless compartments,

most of which are empty. These are for future menu items. If

the tray is too large to fit in your oven you will need to upgrade

your equipment.

Dinners are only available from registered outlets, and only the

chicken variety is currently produced. If you want another

variety, call MicrosoftHelp and they will explain that you really don't

want another variety. Microsoft Chicken is all you really need.

Microsoft has disclosed plans to discontinue all smaller versions

of their chicken dinners. Future releases will only be in the

larger family size. Excess chicken may be stored for future use,

but must be saved only in Microsoft approved packaging.

Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after '98.

However, that version has yet to be released. Users have permission to get

thrilled in advance.

Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other dinners in the

freezer, causing your freezer to self-defrost. This is a

feature, not a bug. Your freezer probably should have been defrosted

anyway.